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Now, I’m not saying these are conscious reasons why dating a man quite a bit older—there have been several moments when I’ve thought that going out with someone closer to my age would be much simpler.
I even tried it when my boyfriend and I took a short break, and I found it was painstakingly difficult and more complicated than my experience dating an older guy. The texting games (How long should I wait to text him back? It’s exhausting), the fear of commitment that plagues most twentysomethings, and the simple fact that most guys my age aren’t as emotionally mature as I am.
Evolutionary psychologists say that relationships like this often occur because while fertility lasts only from puberty to menopause in women, it starts at puberty and can extend long into midlife for lots of men.
That means there’s a strategic advantage for women to snag an older gent—he’s had more time to accumulate resources and stability than his younger counterparts, which could make him a more viable partner and father.
This alone is a reason why I refuse to go back into the dating pool with guys my own age. When I’m out, the guys I seem to attract are generally in their mid- to late-30s. To find out why, I asked a straight twentysomething male friend, who pointed out that younger guys are simply intimidated.
I’m often asked how we met—and not in a giddy kind of way (it’s more like concern).That said, there are not-so-little things that can cause friction too.Keeping in mind what I’ve learned from my own relationship and anecdotes I’ve picked up from women in similar situations, I’ve outlined the perks and challenges of dating an older man. I get asked a lot of questions about my boyfriend’s finances (why else would I date someone much older, right? It’s not actually anybody’s business, but I can tell you that I’ve never dated anyone because of money.From what I’ve gathered, a man in his 20s is more likely to blow his cash on frivolous things, while men in their 30s and are likely to save money for the future or for experiences, like a romantic vacation (wink, wink). “He texted me an hour after I texted him.” “What should I text him back? I can still remember the days when I’d utter those words and essentially have an anxiety attack every time my phone buzzed and it was a guy my own age I’d been casually seeing.When I first started dating my boyfriend, it threw me off when he didn’t text me, but—wait for it— instead.
Persistence also takes confidence—my boyfriend extended three invitations before I finally agreed to get coffee with him.